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Shakib

Posted: March 13th, 2010, 9:37pm MST by jrod

While some people have been watching the Dirk Nannes League I’ve been watching the Bangladesh England test for test match sofa (as I will be for the rest of the test). It may not have cheerleaders and Lionel Ritchie, but it does have Shakib Al Hasan. I’ve been a fan of his for a while now, but in this match he has performed some amazing feats. Winning the toss and bowling even though you have four spinners in your team. Bowling himself for the most overs even though his best ball for two days was naked junk. Spreading his
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The IPL has started

Posted: March 12th, 2010, 11:19pm MST by jrod

There was Lionel Ritchie singing with his microphone turned down. And other western acts. Some drag queen dancing acts, except with the drag queens. Bollywood stuff seemed to be happening as well. Costumes that some people were comparing to klu klux klan on twitter. Then Ravi yelled. Andy Bichel did some commentary, he sounded like Danny Morrison on ketamine. Lalit was missing most of the time, but in his place was a lady in a red dress, an obvious homage to the Matrix. Brad Hodge looked pissed off. Many snatch shots of the cheerleaders, none on super slow mo,
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Sleeping At The Wheel

Posted: March 12th, 2010, 4:18pm MST by theskiver

What could be better than waking up on a sunny spring morning to the news that England have inexplicably been asked to bat on a docile pitch and have, for once, taken advantage of their good fortune. Mrs Skiver is looking as gorgeous as ever, Skiver Jr is being cute and mischievous, Pietersen is finding some form and Cook has even hit a boundary. I hop into the car and turn on Test Match Special, point the front end in the direction of the office, and then it happens. Next thing I know, I’m headed for a ditch. I wrest
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Kevin Pietersen Is Evil

Posted: March 12th, 2010, 1:54pm MST by theskiver

You know how it is with some people. Just when you think you have them, that they’ve given you a nice easy article to write about how, say, any talk of them not being able to play left arm spin is just bollocks, and what do they go and do? They go and get themselves bowled by a sodding left arm spinner, and on 99 to boot. And then you think “Well, that’s not too bad, I can write about him butchering another hundred by slogging” and have to remind yourself that he was bowled having a tame little prod
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CWB Solves England’s Selection Dilemma

Posted: March 11th, 2010, 11:17pm MST by theskiver

As the hours tick down towards the start of their oh-so-tricky first Test against Bangladesh, England’s selectors are apparently enduring sleepless hours wondering who to leave out from the side. So far, the only people certain not to be in the starting XI are Luke Wright and Stephen Davies. Even Liam Plunkett might get a call, on the grounds that (a) Stuart Broad might not be fit and (b) he’s the next most-capped bowler in the side – which would mean adopting the age-old English policy of going for experience despite the player having been resolutely crap for the entire
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The Ijaz Butt Plug

Posted: March 11th, 2010, 2:18pm MST by jrod

The Ijaz Butt Plug is from the latest Pakistan Premium Silicone collection from the PCB. With its ultra smooth, almost metallic finish, this Ijaz Butt Plug is made from 100% of the highest quality Pakistan cricket administrator. The smooth and graduated shaft of this classic shaped Anal Butt Plug has been honed for 76 years and is soft to the touch and becomes extremely slippery when lubricated. Its sparkling finish and combined to the fact that the Ijaz Butt Plug is both hypoallergenic and phthalate free makes
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The PCB does stand up

Posted: March 10th, 2010, 1:48pm MST by jrod

Watching Pakistan play cricket was a special thrill for me. When I was growing up India seemed effeminate, Sri Lanka rubbish, New Zealand grim, South Africa robotic, England shambolic, the West Indies faded and Australia predictable. Then there was Pakistan. They could be effeminate too, but also masculine as fuck. They could be rubbish, but gloriously rubbish. They were never really grim, even when they were. Robotic is not a word that comes to mind. Shambolic, offcourse, but shambolic in a farcical comedy sort of way. They weren’t faded, there was always an
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Facing Iain O’Brien

Posted: March 9th, 2010, 10:36pm MST by jrod

If you have ever thought, jeez that Jrod is a bastard, I’d love to see him black & blue, bleeding from the eyeball or crying in pain, here is your chance. I have stupidly agreed to face Iain O’Brien for charity. The charity I have chosen is the Zimbabwe Aids trust. Which could be funny if I start pissing blood afterwards or I get hit in the balls. The date is yet to be announced yet as we are waiting for the practice pitches at Lord’s to be ready for such
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personal reasons

Posted: March 8th, 2010, 10:48pm MST by jrod

For the next few days there will be no posts on cricket with balls. Without wanting to get into details, Mrs cricket with balls has some issues that I need to help with. Sure she could get through it on her own, instead I have decided to take some time off work to help her. This makes me a great husband, even if it means that I will not be doing my job for the next few days. Some of you might think I’m putting my personal life above my job,
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cricket diary cheatsheet

Posted: March 7th, 2010, 8:56pm MST by jrod

I assume you are an international or first class cricketer and that you’ve come here looking for tips on how to write a player diary. I’ve put together a cheat sheet for you. In it is all the basics you will need to make sure that book is so formulaic no sponsors will leave you. - Employ a ghostwriter. Pick a writer who is not that famous but who is skilled as a ghostwriter. You obviously won’t want to sit down and write, that is for angry talentless people, so you need a ghostwriter. Find one who
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Kemar Roach cracks wood

Posted: March 6th, 2010, 10:00pm MST by jrod

Due to time zones and sky programming, I’ve been watching the Zimbabwe tour of the Windies instead of the Australian tour of New Zealand. This explains the Ray Price love. Until tonight Zimbabwe have been kicking ass, but they still don’t like facing Kemar Roach. This is probably not the best ad for Grey-Nicolls. Cheers to ducking beamers for this.
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Ponting is Satan, you are Kate Winslet and I am in a film

Posted: March 5th, 2010, 10:49pm MST by jrod

Most of that is true. One time CWB writer Andrew Fernando has started a blog. His latest post is about him describing Satan to a little kid: “Around two years ago, a kid that I looked after asked me what I thought Satan would look like if he took human form. I thought about it for a while and gave a somewhat descriptive answer. “He would be of average height,” I said, “maybe even a bit on the short side.” “He would be pretty hairy, have dark, devious, squinty eyes and
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The hustling Ray Price

Posted: March 4th, 2010, 12:10am MST by jrod

I suspect I am not the only person who has noticed that finger spinners are taking over the world. Daniel Vettori has annex New Zealand. Shakib Al-Hasan is turning himself into a minnow Keith Miller. Graeme Swann was struggling to fill the dodgy back bar of dodgy pubs 2 years ago, now he can fill stadiums. Paul Harris is perhaps the freakiest freak ever, and he takes wickets. Nathan Hauritz is Nathan Hauritz, and no one can take that away from him. And now even the ICC is being handed to a rubbish offspinner.
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John Howard for President

Posted: March 3rd, 2010, 1:50am MST by jrod

Picking John Howard for the top ICC job is genius. You might not think that would be my opening line, but think about it, the Australians have picked the one man who is way more of a cunt than Lalit Modi. Just finding that person is hard, but then convincing him to take the job takes a special effort. To be a cricket administrator these days you need to be either dictated to by big business, adept of strangling people with red tape or just evil. The ICC should be ecstatic they have
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The Angriest Man In Cricket

Posted: March 3rd, 2010, 8:45pm MST by theskiver

Is Scott Styris the angriest man ever to play international cricket? Well, maybe not ‘angriest’, but ‘angriest-looking’, because either I always choose to look at him at the wrong moment, or he permanently has a face like a pissed-off garden gnome. Batting, bowling or fielding, you get the feeling that he plays the game with a scowl on his face and thunder in his heart. Even as he was steering the Black Caps to victory yesterday, there was a black cloud hanging over his head, demonstrating his fury at only getting to play
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Bad Sex, Bangla Style

Posted: March 3rd, 2010, 7:56am MST by theskiver

I freely admit that, fortunately, I have absolutely no idea what sex feels like for a woman, let alone what really bad sex feels like for one. But I am pretty sure that it goes something along the lines of a long, slow, build-up that sets every nerve ending on edge, followed by frenetic excitement which builds towards a tremendous moment of ecstasy and release of tension, only for the other party to get there first and finish off, just as you were about to meet your own glorious climax. I’m also pretty sure that this must
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Losing the Battle of Flintoff’s Knee?

Posted: March 2nd, 2010, 12:31pm MST by theskiver

Andrew Flintoff just gave an interview to BBC Radio, in which he admitted that he was planning for the possibility that he might not be able to come back from his current knee problem. This is, quite possibly, the most interesting thing that Flintoff has ever said in an interview – certainly in an interview given whilst sober. Previously, he’s always been hugely bullish about his prospects of coming back from any operation. It seems that the op he had the day after the Oval Test failing and having to have a second, more major, one has
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Ray Price is more entertaining than John Travolta

Posted: February 28th, 2010, 11:31pm MST by jrod

There is no doubt that for most of us watching a great cricket game brings on similar feelings to that of a confused teenage girl reading Twilight. Even if that game is a T20. If it has great performances, changes of momentum and a close finish most of us will enjoy it. This makes the T20 match between Australia and New Zealand the sort of match that gets ratings up. The ICC will probably think this is the perfect match of cricket. They probably have a scientist trying to clone it.
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The all-inclusive review of the T20 game between New Zealand and Australia

Posted: February 28th, 2010, 2:09pm MST by jrod

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Kamran Akmal starts the revolution

Posted: February 27th, 2010, 11:12am MST by jrod

Kamran Akmal is in his hotel room watching repeats of the Shield (Mackie is doing something dodgy, again) after day 2 of the 2nd Test against Australia. Kamran: Ahoy hoy. Mysterious Sounding Dude: Mr Akmal, the chickens are coming home to roost. Kamran: What fucken chickens. Mysterious Sounding Dude: We need you to lose this match. Kamran: This is Pakistan; we can probably lose it from here anyway. Mysterious Sounding Dude: No, you must ensure. This is very important, I wouldn’t be calling you if it was not, that would be rude. Please lose.
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stumps

Posted: February 26th, 2010, 9:07pm MST by jrod

As seen on cricinfo; inspired by the dude who asked about saw: One killer. Five cricketers. One house. Who will last? When Virender Sehwag, and four other cricketers who aren’t Virender Sehwag, wake up in an old creepy mansion they have to face the toughest test of their lives. Virender, Sulieman, Brad, Daniel, and Shahid all find themselves victims of cruel cricket related horror madness. Are they willing to change the way they play the game to survive. This is the horror film that puts the balls in the right area. Sulieman Benn wakes up in the end of
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Posted: March 13th, 2010, 9:37pm MST by jrod

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Posted: March 12th, 2010, 11:19pm MST by jrod

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Posted: March 12th, 2010, 4:18pm MST by theskiver

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Posted: March 12th, 2010, 1:54pm MST by theskiver

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Posted: March 11th, 2010, 11:17pm MST by theskiver

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Posted: March 11th, 2010, 2:18pm MST by jrod

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Posted: March 10th, 2010, 1:48pm MST by jrod

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Posted: March 9th, 2010, 10:36pm MST by jrod

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Posted: March 8th, 2010, 10:48pm MST by jrod

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Posted: March 7th, 2010, 8:56pm MST by jrod

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Posted: March 6th, 2010, 10:00pm MST by jrod

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Posted: March 5th, 2010, 10:49pm MST by jrod

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Posted: March 4th, 2010, 12:10am MST by jrod

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Posted: March 3rd, 2010, 1:50am MST by jrod

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Posted: March 3rd, 2010, 8:45pm MST by theskiver

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Posted: March 3rd, 2010, 7:56am MST by theskiver

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Posted: March 2nd, 2010, 12:31pm MST by theskiver

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Posted: February 28th, 2010, 11:31pm MST by jrod

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Posted: February 28th, 2010, 2:09pm MST by jrod

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Posted: February 27th, 2010, 11:12am MST by jrod

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Posted: February 26th, 2010, 9:07pm MST by jrod

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