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Pavilion Opinions (21 unread)

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Sivaramakrishnan "thrilled" to be named new United manager

Posted: May 8th, 2013, 11:04am MDT by Pavilionopinions

After intense lobbying from the BCCI, Sir Alex Ferguson today stood down as manager of Manchester United to be replaced by former Indian leg-spinner Laxman Sivaramakrishnan. Ferguson, who is the most successful manager in the club's history, said he would have liked to have stayed on in the role but that the "intolerable pressure from Chennai" made his position untenable. Sivaramakrishnan himself said he had "a lot to offer British football" and was "thrilled, but not surprised" to be given the chance. Sivaramakrishnan: "Hugely excited" to be working with Phil Jones
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Butt and Amir Appeal: Exclusive Court Transcripts Released

Posted: April 18th, 2013, 9:56am MDT by Pavilionopinions

Court of Arbitration of Sport (CAS), Lausanne, 17th April 2013 Clerk of the Court: "All rise. Court is in session. Lord Chief Justice Sorbet will reside." Lord Sorbet: "Mr Butt. Mr Amir. You are here to request your bans imposed by the ICC for spot-fixing be overturned." Mr Butt: "That's correct, Your Honour." Lord Sorbet: "And you, Mr Amir?" Mr Amir: "Er, I don't know why I'm here. Salman made me come." Lord Sorbet: "I see. But you would like to have
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Pies and Pressure: The IPL is no place for the weak-minded

Posted: April 16th, 2013, 11:28pm MDT by Pavilionopinions

Compared to a few other members of the Test Match Special commentary team, Geoffrey Boycott is a renaissance man when it comes to knowledge of world cricket. Listening, as is strongly recommended, to his regular ESPN podcast Bowl at Boycs, he exhibits an appreciation of the global game and its foibles which goes well beyond the often somewhat parochial confines of TMS and, at times, Sky broadcasts. When live on air, it's pretty unlikely you'll ever hear him say, "Not seen this lad before. Turns it," which is often David Lloyd's stock delivery for any young spinner from beyond
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Sri Lankan President named ODI captain; denies political influence a factor

Posted: March 30th, 2013, 2:26am MDT by Pavilionopinions

Sri Lanka's President, Mahinda Rajapaksa, today said he was "humbled and, of course, very surprised" at being made the country's new ODI captain. Rajapaksa, who once made a breezy 12 not out for his school side fifty years ago before going on to lead his nation, claimed he had been picked on merit and was already planning who to open the bowling with at the Champions Trophy in June. He went on to dismiss further rumours he would have had his party MP and Sri Lankan chairman of selectors, Sanath Jayasuriya, deported if he hadn't named him skpper as "not
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Matt Prior: The best Wicketkeeper-Batsman-Diplomatic in the World

Posted: March 26th, 2013, 12:28pm MDT by Pavilionopinions

For some, Matt Prior used to be harder to warm to than an iceberg in the shape of Jimmy Savile. Perceived as brash and mouthy, the once fumbling keeper came close to being regarded as almost a proxy Pietersen, a South African import whose mucky aggression simply wasn't on within the gentler confines of the English game. His constant twangy chuntering behind the stumps grated and, when his pregnant wife Emily was caught on the big screen bouncing on the knee of Allen Stanford during the Super Sixes in 2008, the sight was greeted with sniggering delight in
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The Art of Homework

Posted: March 12th, 2013, 11:14pm MDT by Pavilionopinions

Sun Tzu is the Chinese overlord who most readily gets dredged up when it comes to questions of Australian leadership in cricket. The vaunted 6th century BC general's treatise on battle strategy was apparently much beloved by former coach John Buchanan and, perfectly and trend-settingly, slipped under the hotel room door of each member of his 2001 Ashes squad. Absurd as it may have been to equate warfare with cricket, even that tinged with his captain Steve Waugh's love of provoking "mental disintegration" among the opposition, the sentiments rested easily with Australia's 1989-2005 dominance of the then vanquished and pitiful English.
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Warne calls for bigger bats for Australians

Posted: March 5th, 2013, 8:32am MST by Pavilionopinions

After another humiliating display from Australia in India, fresh-faced cadaver Shane Warne has said his nation's batsmen should be given bigger bats when touring the subcontinent. Following hot on the heels of Monday's Part IV of the Warnifesto, where the leg-spinning legend demanded larger stumps with Advanced Hair Studio toupees for bails, his latest installment calls for Phil Hughes and Glenn Maxwell to use "a willow the size of Liz's sex drive so they can deal with balls the way she does!!! LOLZ! #loveLiz." Waxing lyrical: Warne
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Dhoni: The Jowl in the Crown

Posted: February 24th, 2013, 9:54pm MST by Pavilionopinions

As MS Dhoni brought up his maiden Test double hundred on Sunday the top Twitter trending topic in the United Kingdom was #Ndubzmemories. If you're unfamiliar with N-Dubz there's really no reason to change that state of affairs, but just note that the pop trio's lead singer is now known for - among other things - appearing as a judge on X Factor, the show to which MS Dhoni would most likely be matched if English fans were ever asked to compare ITV light entertainment programmes to Indian cricketers. Dhoni is seen in England as rich, glitzy but lacking in
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Shit Cricketers Sing

Posted: February 13th, 2013, 3:04pm MST by Pavilionopinions

"Jessie's Girl” isn't a tune likely to make that many people's Desert Island Discs selection, but this week it emerged as an unlikely saviour in Monty Panesar's attempts to row back the tide of poor performances he endured in 2009. In an interview with the Daily Mail, the now rejuvenated Panesar spoke of how his season playing Sydney Grade cricket with Randwick Petersham a year later had brought him out of his shell and culminated in him singing the Rick Springfield soft rock standard at a Karaoke bar. "I surprised myself that night," Panesar said. “There’s no way
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The Dark Art of Captaincy

Posted: February 5th, 2013, 1:06pm MST by Pavilionopinions

The toss for the first ever Test match between South Africa and Pakistan, held in Johannesburg just over eighteen years ago, was ostensibly a noble affair. The World Cup holders were about to take on the country recently readmitted to the sporting world, with both sides led by an outwardly upstanding, outstanding leader. Sensitive noses could already smell something rotten in the state of Gauteng, however. Discontent had emerged in the Pakistan camp and rumours surrounding the teams' encounters in the recently concluded Mandela Trophy ODI tournament were already starting to waft around the press box. Unlike in this historic
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Obama names Marlon Samuels new Secretary of State

Posted: January 21st, 2013, 12:06am MST by Pavilionopinions

In a shock move sure to wrong-foot his Republican adversaries, the freshly re-inaugurated President Obama today announced he would be making controversial West Indies bad boy, Marlon Samuels, his new Secretary of State. The position, essential to driving America's foreign policy, had widely been predicted to go to Massachusetts Senator John Kerry following present incumbent Hilary Clinton's decision to step down, but the President changed his mind after hearing the Jamaican batsman's lucid press conference discussing his recent Big Bash altercation with Shane Warne. Having been informed he'd escaped punishment for his involvement in the fracas, Samuels gathered reporters to his hotel and told them: "Cricket's not a
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English cricket is better than English football

Posted: January 13th, 2013, 10:16pm MST by Pavilionopinions

This may be a more idiotic idea than leaving your girlfriend in a room with Chris Gayle and a bottle of Hennessy, but winning the World Cup in 1966 was the worst thing that ever happened to English football. It was certainly the worst thing that ever happened to English football for any England fan under fifty. Jolly as it may have been at the time, it allowed us to disregard the lessons of the shattering 1953 defeat at the hands of Puskas and the Hungarians and instead value jingoism over strategy and Lionheartedness over technique - a terrible
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Australia is tetchy.

Posted: January 6th, 2013, 8:08pm MST by Pavilionopinions

For those who’ve come across the seas We’ve boundless plains to share; With courage let us all combine To Advance Australia Fair. Are these words a) part of the Australian national anthem?, b) what Mark Nicholas has tattooed on the insides of his eyelids?, or c) what Shane Warne wrote in his Christmas card to Marlon Samuels adding only the festive coda, "Fuck you, mate!"? If you answered "all three" then nice one, you've won a highlights reel DVD of Michael Slater and Ian Healy's frothy banter about surfing interspersed with Ian Chappell speaking sense but sounding more and
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Review of 2012: Part 2 - Serious Matters

Posted: January 3rd, 2013, 2:17pm MST by Pavilionopinions

There was plenty of levity to be found in cricket in 2012, but it was also tempered with numerous spats, continued wranglings among players and boards, demigod (semi) retirements and tragic deaths, Tom Maynard and Tony Greig notably among them. Here are a few articles from the previous year trying to offer some analysis of both on and off field issues which have caused a bit of contention, controversy and comment. Jan 13, On Steven Davies, gay rights in the UAE and the ECB/media's silence: Still Stumped by human rights Jan 20, On England's 3-0 Test
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Review of 2012: Part 1, Satirical Slashes

Posted: December 27th, 2012, 10:11pm MST by Pavilionopinions

If you're already bored with the Shane Watson fitness DVD your Auntie bought you for Christmas, here's a chronological selection of satirical efforts from the past twelve months written for both Pavilion Opinions and Alternative Cricket (AC). I can't pretend they're as funny as the time Mark Nicholas forgot to cover his crotch with his clipboard when interviewing Michael Clarke, but I hope they'll jog some memories about a few of the controversies which have visited the game in 2012. I'll put together a collection of more serious posts tomorrow. _______________________________ FEB 5, On the BCCI sponsorship crisis: Mitt Romney to
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So long, Sachin. I hardly knew you...

Posted: December 23rd, 2012, 5:26pm MST by Pavilionopinions

God knows it can't be easy to step into the blurry space beyond 23 years of crystal international cricket. It must be even harder when you naturally wanted to leave with your bat raised in triumph rather than swishing away the vultures circling tentatively but in ever greater numbers around your head. You still might if you can rouse yourself into one last wave of special in the upcoming Tests against Australia, but don't fret too much on that. The hero's farewell only matters for the moment it happens. It rarely comes to be remembered for how it was prolonged
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Bell burns his bat in protest at treatment by Indian bowlers

Posted: December 13th, 2012, 5:43pm MST by Pavilionopinions

Shortly after ex-Kiwi star Martin Crowe protested Ross Taylor's sacking by setting fire to his New Zealand Test blazer, another incident of what is already being termed "Crimation" occurred on Thursday when Ian Bell reportedly burnt his bat in protest at "the completely unacceptable treatment I've received at the hands of India's bowlers throughout this tour". Twisted Firestarter: Team mates moved quickly to hide the Kerosene upon Bell's dismissal Averaging just fourteen from three innings, the England number five has endured a torrid
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Bye, Fidelity! The lessons England and Flower can learn from Ponting's Adelaide blitz

Posted: December 4th, 2012, 1:24pm MST by Pavilionopinions

Ricky Ponting's curmudgeonly little legend face grimaced for the last time on a cricket field this week as he bowed out at the WACA with eight more than Don Bradman managed in his final innings but substantially less than he would have wanted. He was welcomed to the wicket by an appropriate guard of honour from the South African side and swept off it by a tide of admiration and gratitude which, as throughout his career, threatened to spill over into love but never quite did. Tributes have similarly bobbed along in the last week - the sheer weight of
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Pietersen Report calls for statutory regulation of Derek Pringle

Posted: November 29th, 2012, 7:45pm MST by Pavilionopinions

Shockwaves reverberated through the cricketing establishment on Thursday as the much awaited "Pietersen Report" into press standards was released. After a lengthy four-month enquiry following the Headingley text message scandal, the report's author, Kevin Pietersen, concluded that the present media regulatory system - whereby people compete to tweet the wittiest and most damning comment about Michael Henderson - was "wholly unsatisfactory", with the flamboyant England batsman also putting forward a number of far-reaching proposals for the future conduct of newspapers' cricket correspondents, most notably that Piers Morgan will have copy approval for "anything anyone writes about me." The report
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Bridgetown and Brutality

Posted: November 25th, 2012, 2:30pm MST by Pavilionopinions

Home may be where the heart is, but it's an away win against the odds which truly stirs the soul. England came into this match being written off in all quarters and given less chance of levelling the series than Stuart Broad has of appearing in the the Third Test. At Ahmedabad they were down and out, usually in the most insipid or infuriating fashions to the wiles of Ashwin and Ojha, the latter of whom was available at a generous 9/2 to be top wicket taker in the series, odds considerably shorter than those offered for England to
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England to miss ODI series against India

Posted: November 20th, 2012, 7:45pm MST by Pavilionopinions

After a disappointing display in the First Test in Ahmedabad, it was today announced that the increasingly bedraggled England side would be sitting out the ODI series against India in January. Citing fears of burnout due to their packed schedule of international defeats, the ECB further suggested that "the unbearably smug look on Ravi Shastri's face" was also a factor in choosing not to subject the team to a repeat of the 2011 pasting. Initial reports had hinted that only coach Andy Flower would be rested for the five-match series early next year, ostensibly to allow him time
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Pavilion Opinions (21 unread)

Posted: May 8th, 2013, 11:04am MDT by Pavilionopinions

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Posted: April 18th, 2013, 9:56am MDT by Pavilionopinions

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Posted: April 16th, 2013, 11:28pm MDT by Pavilionopinions

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Posted: March 30th, 2013, 2:26am MDT by Pavilionopinions

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Posted: March 26th, 2013, 12:28pm MDT by Pavilionopinions

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Posted: March 12th, 2013, 11:14pm MDT by Pavilionopinions

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Posted: March 5th, 2013, 8:32am MST by Pavilionopinions

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Posted: February 24th, 2013, 9:54pm MST by Pavilionopinions

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Posted: February 13th, 2013, 3:04pm MST by Pavilionopinions

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Posted: February 5th, 2013, 1:06pm MST by Pavilionopinions

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Posted: January 21st, 2013, 12:06am MST by Pavilionopinions

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Posted: January 13th, 2013, 10:16pm MST by Pavilionopinions

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Posted: January 6th, 2013, 8:08pm MST by Pavilionopinions

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Posted: January 3rd, 2013, 2:17pm MST by Pavilionopinions

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Posted: December 27th, 2012, 10:11pm MST by Pavilionopinions

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Posted: December 23rd, 2012, 5:26pm MST by Pavilionopinions

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Posted: December 13th, 2012, 5:43pm MST by Pavilionopinions

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Posted: December 4th, 2012, 1:24pm MST by Pavilionopinions

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Posted: November 29th, 2012, 7:45pm MST by Pavilionopinions

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Posted: November 25th, 2012, 2:30pm MST by Pavilionopinions

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Posted: November 20th, 2012, 7:45pm MST by Pavilionopinions

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